I feel like one of the reasons we’ve come to experience life here on earth is because of relationships. I strongly believe that this is the same reason why we continue to reincarnate, we return to help those we love or to be reunited with them.
As human beings we experience different types of relationships. The first relationship we have is the one with out family. Our relationship with our mother, father, brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and others. Among all, the relationships that mark us are the closest, those that create intimate ties such as the relationship with our parents, and then romantic relationships.
I wish I could write in this single writing about everything I have learned about relationships throughout my life and the lessons I have received from the wisdom of master plants. Now I’m just going to focus on something that is very recurring in our lives. Love break ups, broken hearts and how to overcome a love relationship that left deep traces.
When I was very little one of my big dreams was to start a family and find love. This search led me to the darkest and brightest places of my being.
At 24 years of age I had married a man ten years older than me. The marriage only lasted 5 years but it left me teachings that to this day I thank you from the bottom of my heart. When I met my ex-husband, I knew that we were destined to be together. When I saw him for the first time, my spirit recognized his immediately and for many years I thought that he was the love of my life.
It was very difficult to overcome the divorce, the first months after and some years later the memories continued like blood dripping inside me. In many moments I blamed him, in other times I blame myself for our failure . The guilt that maybe I did not do my best . How would our relationship have been, if things had been different?
It took me several years and healing processes to understand the power of relationships.
The first part was to cleanse myself of the pain, that I felt had broken me in an almost unrecoverable way. But something in me knew that no, that everything has a cure, even broken hearts can be healed, I told myself.
So I decided to isolate myself in the mountains of my town, reconnect with my plants, take my medicine, heal, heal my heart. Many things had happened, things he did, things I did.
I needed clarity.
I needed to breathe.
I needed to fill the void that had once again remained in me.
Fifteen days in solitude, fifteen days taking Ayahuasca to immerse myself inside. I remember that it was my first encounter with black Ayahuasca, that medicine takes you to the hell inside you to make you be reborn in the light. It was difficult, very difficult. Confront and see all the illusions that I had created about love. About me .
There in the mountains, under starlight, medicine told me that I had to learn to be alone first before I could be with someone, I had to be happy being with myself.
I remember how I was moaning, – but, I don’t want to be alone. I want to be loved, I want someone to love me, I want to love.
–The universe is made of love-, said medicine …
– and, you are the universe, you are love … – Love is not something foreign to you. Love is not something you seek outside of yourself. Love is inside you-.
-Why does it hurt then? You have to forgive. You have to forgive. You have to forgive yourself. You need to forgive him. –
I realized then how important forgiveness is for healing. And to take that step I had to look at myself honestly and accept my mistakes and not judge them and accept my ex-husband’s mistakes and not judge them and feel like the expectation that I had created of love had hurt me. And while this was happening, the purge too, each illusion that I had created about what I believed to be love was coming out of my being through forgiveness. Because forgiveness is acceptance, acceptance is liberation. It is letting go of the pain that bound us senseless. Love is love, as we define it is a personal matter, but love is only love.
Years later I was in another relationship that was also very difficult to let go of. A very toxic relationship and that when finished also left me broken but in a different way . I finally had to face that I did not love myself.
Sometimes love disappointments can lead us to find darkness in our being, not because we become bad or evil but because we fall into an abyss of self-destruction, seeking love and doing things that are just bringing us down more and more.
I remember being in a hotel bed asking God to take me, sometimes I forget that when I want something it can come true … I felt like I entered a dream and how my spirit rose and left my body, when I was about to disconnect, a text message on my cell phone towards her entrance in my room … my mother … she sent me just one sentence that day … – I LOVE YOU-.
Seeing that message, tears of repentance rolled down my face, how could I forget my family. I had to keep going. I had to find out how to fill that gap that had brought me to this breaking point.
Again I was searching for the healing of my heart, this time in Ecuador. In a daytime Ayahuasca ceremony in the mountains of Vilcabamba, there an angel came to give me the meeting, everything turned pink suddenly and he presented himself as Chamuel, he told me – I am Chamuel, the angel of Love-
This was an amazing experience because I did not know that the medicine and angels were resonating at the same frequency. I believe that Chamuel used the spirit of the Bobinsana plant that was in my Ayahuasca to connect. Bobinsana is the heart opening plant in the Amazon. And I do not know if is a big coincidence but both Bobinsana and Chamuel energies are pink , gold and white.
I had never heard about this angel before until that day. I was familiar with Archangel Michael and Raphael but that is another story you can find in my blog , https://naysha.blog/2017/10/05/my-encounter-with-the-angels/ .
Chamuel told me that he was there because, he wanted me to introduce me to discover what UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS ! .
Minutes before I was singing for a fire asking to that element to transform my sadness and to bring me real love. To take my pain away. I could not live like this anymore. I felt in my chest an abyss of infinite pain that I only wanted to fill with love.
The angel then showed me that, that was not real love. Love did not meant to hurt me. Unconditional Love, that was my next step to understand and surrender. Unconditional Love is infinite love like the name says, that does not have conditions and its the love that is in every part of the creation. The angels showed how Unconditional Love has been present in my life and when it has not been there .
I cried, and I felt something inside me begin to loosen.
All expectations of how love should be.
All the expectations I had had since I was a little girl.
We do not all love in the same way but we all have the capacity to love.
Only that our love has yet to transcend and become unconditional. In the space of unconditional love you can never be hurt.
Love only wants the best for you and for others therefore you will always know what to do and what is the best without the illusions of conditioned love. Very few give themselves the opportunity to find this source of love.
It is in each of us, within us.
From that moment on, a very deep sense of the sacredness of my life touched me … Sorry … Sorry … I apologize for the things I have done to myself.
Now with this new vision and understanding of love, I felt free again.
Free to meet again, free to rediscover myself … Free to Love myself unconditionally.
Since that day I have found love in every person I meet on my way, my illusion of romantic love , that it was true love had come to an end.
I had to love everything and everyone without conditions and loving from that understanding one can accept everyone as they are and decide if we want to share time of our life with them or if we simply withdraw ourselves without judgment. Without suffering we let go. Without suffering we know that part of loving is also giving freedom to choose what we want to be and what we want make of our existence.
This is how God loves us, giving us free will because Love in unconditional.
Chamuel also told me , -God is with you –
Feel it, feel it, feel it …
A deep breath, an energy that took me completely, that flooded me.
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